17 February 2013

Never wanted to stop using

I started going to meetings because my life had become a horror show.

I did not want to stop using. I couldn't imagine life without using.

Smoke pot, beer once in a while, heroin on the weekends, that's what I wanted.

I was on a methadone maintenance program when I started going to meetings. Still smoking pot and drinking.

No one told me to leave. No one told me I had to be clean to be there. No one told me I had to want to stop in order to do so.

A willingness to even try to stop using came after coming to believe that not only was it possible, but that I would be okay. That I'd be okay being with me.

21 December 2012

Still Percocet free

Haven't taken any Percocet since 15th December, and for that I am grateful.

17 December 2012

No more Percocet

I want to get back to the land of the living.

So insidious are the effects of narcotics, softly quietly stealing the spirit..

I injured my back in September 2011. Severe herniation to L4 and L5 with radiculopathy in my right leg and foot.

While awaiting further diagnostic procedures, I was prescribed Naproxen 375 mg. and Percocet 5-325 for the pain.

Have had two epidural steroid injections, which have helped, and for a couple of weeks went to a sort of "assembly line" physical therapy clinic, but all along pretty much kept taking a quarter Percocet tablet once or twice or three times a day.

Never increased the amount to "get a high," but narcotics be narcotics and do what narcotics do, even in small doses.

Called a "moment of clarity," on Saturday night while reading, "Prescription drugs 'orphan' children in eastern Kentucky," it dawned on me that my life for the past year has become one of isolation, anxiety, compulsive-obsessive behaviors, and fear-driven decisions.

I've stopped regular attendance at meetings. I've engaged in virtually no social activity outside of family for months.

And was little over a year ago that I lost a brother to prescription painkillers.

No more Percocet.

Didn't take any yesterday, nor today. Instead have been watching videos of amazing life transformations on YouTube.

No more Percocet, because I am worth going through the discomfort for.

19 September 2012

Early recovery mantra

Early recovery is war--a battle between the powerful obsessions of addiction and the decision to stay clean. A war that can only be won by not picking up that first drink or drug.

It was the experiences of other alcoholics and addicts who had succeeded in staying clean that I found hope and thus a stronger commitment to hang in there another day.

Songs became mantras that I sang on a daily basis, usually as I walked to meetings, or rode the subways.

James Taylor's "Fire and Rain" was one such song used as a mantra to help me stay clean.

Turns out, so did James... "James Taylor's Fire and Rain" at Snopes.com

27 May 2012

Operation Medicine Cabinet

Tacked to the wall of the mental health clinic I go to was notice that people can get rid of any old prescription medications at police precincts, 24/7 and anonymously. Seems this project has been in the works for a while now:

Suffolk police have collected nearly 5,000 lbs of prescription drugs since August 2010, when they installed anonymous drop boxes available 24/7 at each of the county’s seven police precincts in a plan dubbed Operation Medicine Cabinet. Nassau County police followed suit and installed anonymous drug drop boxes in their precincts last month. - Long Island Prescription Drug Take-back Days Planned|Long Island Press

Hopefully another such project could be implemented to collect all those plastic medicine vials that we can not put in with the recyclables.